(Photo courtesy of
Jose Garcia)
By: Greg PayneThis struggling economy has shed light on various aspects of the working world, but one thing that hasn't changed is our ability to scope out all of the seemingly mindless positions out there that break the bank. Oh yeah, you know the jobs I'm talking about.
We see them everywhere. The occupations that don't even seem to require neurons. Maybe it's the corporate CEO who simply signs the checks and the papers, while the unappreciated work horses continue to be the ones who actually run the company.
Or maybe it's the life guard at your local town pool who makes double figures every hour and remarkably has a PENSION courtesy of the town, yet merely appears to sit in that white chair, working on his/her tan in those aviators. They won't save a single life all summer, but they'll proudly look like the newest model for Neutrogena at the very least.
Either way, the NBA is no different. We have the All-Stars and the Finals MVPs and the All-NBA Teamers. But if you look closely enough, you'll notice a few select players who truly live the good life. Whether that means winning, losing, making money or some sick combination of them all, they are indeed out there. Let's take a look at the top five players with the easiest jobs in the NBA.
5) Tracy McGrady: You might question this one at first, but hear me out. T-Mac's never actually won anything besides scoring titles, and as his career becomes increasingly injury plagued (as are the careers of his key teammates), it's looking less and less like he'll actually escape the first round of the postseason. So, for the entire 82-game regular season he gets to unleash his truly ferocious talent (seriously, he could very well be the most talented guy in the league. I'm not saying the best. But he's gushing with raw basketball skill), while amping up the hopes of an entire fan base, before he expectantly allows those hopes to come crashing down the second his second or third seeded team crashes and burns at the hands of a much weaker seventh or six seeded nemesis. Enjoy the 82 games, Houston. Or at least the 53 T-Mac will actually play in.
Hey, who knew Vince Carter was synonymous for Tracy McGrady?
4) Damon Jones: This certainly can't come as a surprise to anyone. Not even Jones, himself. When you're teammates with Dwyane Wade, LeBron James or Dirk Nowitzki, chances are you'll find yourself in some sort of backup role. And sure enough, Jones' preference for the three-point shot allowed him to find success alongside those three players during respective seasons of his career. Particularly when he played with Wade and James, Jones' sole responsibility was finding a spot somewhere beyond the three-point line and just firing away. Defense? Forget about it. Driving to the hole? Once in a blue moon.
And the best part? Jones completely understands this. How many times have we seen Jones give an overly confident interview, never taking himself too seriously. And to match, we have the various All-Star games he's not quite talented enough to compete in. So, instead, he shows up in
elaborate suits and jackets, nearly stealing the show with his style alone. Jones is living the good life and he's completely aware of it.
3) Derek Fisher: While his daughter's cancer treatment needs to be taken seriously, I can still poke fun at his on-the-court responsibilities. They indeed are simple: Get ball over half court, give it to Kobe Bryant, watch Kobe score and occasionally knock down a clutch three-pointer of his own.
Oh, and win four championships in the process. Fisher's nerves of steal are what allow him to be on this list, because I easily could have slapped Mo Williams's name here, instead. But the overriding difference between Fisher and Williams? Fisher actually makes his three-pointers in the post season.
2) Marcin Gorat: I actually give Gortat credit for trying to skip out of Orlando in an attempt to play more in Dallas to "show the world" what he can do. However, after Orlando matched Dallas's offer of $34 million over five years, Gortat will indeed be returning to his backup role behind Dwight Howard next season. Now, it would seem almost definitive that Gortat would have to play more than the 12.6 minutes he averaged last season, right? $34 million for 12 minutes every game? That's roughly 15 trips up and down the court, based on the shot clock.
But if the minutes don't increase, he'll make nearly seven million dollars a year for working a total of 16.4 hours during the regular season! If you want to get technical, Gortat will make approximately 2.34 million dollars an hour for the next five years. Recession? What recession!
1) Your classic bench warmer: Every team's got one. Or two. Or maybe even three. They're the guys who might not even dawn the uniform on certain nights, especially during the postseason. But what do they get?
They get at least six figures a year, a sweet whip, smooth clothes, an all-access pass to the rest of the team that we on the outside covet, and most importantly, the very best seats in the house: Courtside. Right beside all of our favorite players. They're the guys who, when their obsessed friends/fans yell out, "Oh my gosh, Paul Pierce just sweat on me!", can retort with, "So what? He sweats on ME, every night!"
They're essentially the ultimate fans, because, after all, they're still technically on the team and want the team to succeed. But since they won't see a lick of playing time, they're stuck cheering all night. They get paid to practice and never once have to worry about the pressures of performing on the highest stage. Unless their team is riddled with injury. But if that does happen, expectations will be so low for the team, that the expected pressure would actually be eliminated anyway. It's the perfect system! They can't lose!
The NBA. Where indecently large sums of money are tossed around for next to no work happens!
Stay Tuned.
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